Sunday, October 15, 2006

Just mouthing off about the Classies

NOTHING gives me more pleasure than writing about the marvellous community of classified advertising.
Well, maybe one or two other activities are "up there" on my grinometer.
The grinometer is a handy tool in the cut and thrust of the modern culture of political correctness.
It works not only internally on movement of the mixed muscles that operate the smooth tissue around the mouth but also gives a barometer-like measure of lip pressure within range of two optical scanners.
The probabilities range from genuine humour in all its teeth-flashing glory to the dark clouds of sarcasm and upward pressure on the cheek tissue.
Intermediary categories include irony, courtesy and drunk as a skunk.
However, operators need a high level of training – a lifetime, in fact – to distinguish between the visual subtleties of, say, a "saw-you-coming" putdown and a "pleased-to-meet-you" uplift.
That is why the grinometer comes with a full range of optional accessories, including:

Flexible rubber-look stereo audio pick-ups with a swivelling capacity in selected models;
Multi-function sound card hooked to two in-ports and output device with variable volume and tone;
Five-digit sensor to test handshakes; and
Olfactory sensor for use in difficult cases.
The grinometer connects to any standard CPU but requires minimum specifications such as sense of humor and healthy scepticism.
Which all leads to promise more humour on this site in future. Today, the image file, below, reflects on the importance of classified advertising in people’s lives. Click on the image then use the expand button to get a readable size.

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